When God has other plans..

We finalized our adoption a week ago today! When I posted the picture of my baby boy in his perfect little Jon Jon so many people reached out with questions about adoption. I decided that this would be the right time to let you all into this very intimate part of our life. Our adoption journey is atypical to say the least and what I prefer to call it a double miracle!

However, this story doesn't start last Friday.

In 2017 we found out that having biological children would be humanly impossible (a miracle the doctor said) .. this is when the conversations around adoption first started. Well, maybe that isn't completely true, before we were ever married I told Hank that I hoped to adopt someday, but it was never a serious conversation.

After the devastating news of infertility, we started looking into our options. For me, IVF and the like were not on the table. ( I plan to write a post about why in the future) The only option for us was adoption! We were still dealing with the grief of infertility but we knew we wanted a baby to join our family. As we started researching we became discouraged. My husband had some medical issues we thought might block us from being candidates, we had only been married a year which also limited our options. Adoption is messy, confusing and emotionally draining. I had contacted a couple non-profit adoption agencies and we had decided on Catholic Charities. I had received the application and we had started adding photos of our little family to an adoption folder as we came across ones we wanted to add to our profile book for perspective birth moms.

GOD HAD OTHER PLANS... Enter our first miracle! Our strong, brilliant, kind, empathetic, loving, beautiful daughter. I will never forget the day I saw that little pink line, the big hug I was able to give my best friend who happened to be living with us at the time, or the cell phone picture I sent to my mom and my husband. yes, a text.. such pomp and circumstance but it was sent in shock.. I needed others to confirm there was a line. I cried more that day then I did the day she was born. My husband handled all the crying in the delivery room! ( gosh, I love that man!)

We love this little baby more than life, but the call to adoption never completely left. The call to have multiple children to care for and raise to be independent and loving humans never left. Though, had Em been our one and only, it would have been part God's perfect plan & we would have rejoiced in that as well!

Just a few months before Em's 2nd birthday we made the decision to officially start the process after years of talking about adoption! We agreed on getting through the holidays, the year-end work crunch (two type As in sales and business owners over here) and Em's 2nd birthday before we applied to become adoptive parents.

GOD HAD OTHER PLANS... His plan was revealed through a very clear message during adoration at the Restore Retreat hosted by Blessed is She.

I heard our Lord's voice and he only said one word, "Now." and I only said two words in reply, "Yes, Lord!" Fiat.

I came home, hesitant to tell my husband what I had heard. How do you walk in and say, "umm so God is speaking to me... you know that plan we had? scratch that" ... I wasn't afraid he wouldn't be supportive but like that's a sorta crazy thing to say!! I mustered up the courage. The next day we were leaving for the beach so I printed out our application to take with us.

We mailed our adoption application from that sleepy little beach town & took a car selfie to commemorate.

September 28th, during our initial intake interview with Catholic Charities when we were told 18-24 months is the average length of time waiting for a match and subsequently bringing your baby home.

GOD HAD OTHER PLANS... A month and 2 days after our intake interview, we were contacted by a client of my husbands. It was Halloween and all we knew was this client had a customer who was pregnant and looking for a family. We immediately replied with a list of resources for the mother. The next day we called our adoption coordinator with a million questions. Could we pursue this? What if she didn't want to use an agency? Is this even legal?

Our coordinator assured us that this was in fact a perfectly legal way to pursue adoption, and many successful adoptions happen this way. She informed us it was called Private Adoption (as opposed to Agency Adoption) and that it was totally up to us and our comfort level if we wanted to reach out to the mother.

The mother had been through the process before and preferred not to go through an agency. She gave the mutual contact her number and asked for us to call.

November 10th, the first day I ever spoke with the woman who would be singling handedly responsible for changing our lives forever. It was during this short phone call that I found out she was due just after Thanksgiving.

THANKSGIVING.

Less than two months from placing the application in the mail.. less than two months after God said, "now," we had a mother who was interested in our family for her unborn baby, her son.

November 18th, it was a sunny day. We met the birth mom and her daughter at a near by park with pizza for lunch. The leaves fell as we settled into this new relationship. Our daughters were playing on the slide when she picked us to be her son's family. In that moment we gained more than a son, we gained a whole new section of our family.

We still had 6- 8 wks of home study left and a baby due in 12 days. Our adoption coordinator, our attorney, our birth mom & we all worked quickly to make this adoption happen! There was a lot of paperwork, hard conversations, invasive questions and multiple court trips to accomplish this feat and not a lot of time to do it.

The twelve days came and went more quickly than we hoped, nothing was finished yet. We kept pushing and praying this would all come together. Due to some very personal details of this adoption story, we were able to get a temporary custody agreement so that we could be with our baby in the hospital. We are so blessed to have an attorney who worked so hard for us. As the due date came and went we started to worry if this was going to be possible.

GOD HAD OTHER PLANS... Lucky for us, God knew our baby was going to stay cozy for an extra week & a half. We finished everything with only 2 days to spare between our court approval for temporary guardianship & his arrival. If our attorney had not gotten everything finalized and rushed that agreement in front of a Judge prior to the birth, our son would have been in the custody of the state until the agreement was approved. With COVID-19 restrictions at the hospital without this agreement we would have not been allowed be in the room when he was born or for both of us to be with him in the hospital. We are so thankful the Lord orchestrated this for us, his timing is always perfect even when it is humanly impossible!

Our perfect little baby boy arrived during the year-end crunch, just in time time to celebrate Christmas. He was here for his sisters 2nd birthday. He instantly became part of the quarantine crew. We are so thankful for all of the people who came together to make this adoption happen & for our good good Father for bringing this baby and his birth mom into our lives.

This adoption story isn't typical, but the more I learn about adoption the more I realize there is nothing typical about adoption. It is always a simultaneously joyful and heartbreaking journey that a whole lot of people come together to create.

A Note to the women who are struggling with infertility

I want to take a moment to acknowledge your hurt and the disappointment that comes along with infertility. If you even made it this far into this post, I want you to know that I see you and I know your struggle.

Mostly, I want you to know that by the end my prayer wasn't for a child, but for peace in God's will and timing. He granted me this peace, before Em or Hawkins came along.

My prayers aren't better than yours & I am certainly not more worthy than you. I know the hurtful comments like "when you stop trying it'll happen".. the "when you adopt it will happen".. or the "just pray about it." You can start to feel like your prayers aren't good enough, like you're unworthy of being a mom. Sis, those are lies of the enemy. You are a daughter of the Father, who loves you and sees your pain. Trust him, run to his feet. Don't ever think that Jesus isn't weeping with you.

I will pray for you. If you would like for me to add you to my prayer list by name, send me a DM on Instagram @ourhighlandcottage

xo- Kate